Hoarding and Addiction

Hoarding and Addiction

I love reality television.  I believe the first show I got hooked on was Survivor.  I have not missed a season.  If I would sign up for the show, other than the fact that I am so out of shape and would probably break a hip, I would be the first voted out.  My inability to not have opinions would probably bite me. 

By reality, I don’t mean Housewives of anything.  I have never been a fan of gossip and bad mouthing and extreme egos.  That would drive me nuts.   Reality to me means Hoarders and addiction shows and makeover shows.  I begged to be on What Not to Wear.  No one would nominate me though. 

Last night I was catching up on my recorded shows and was thinking about what gets people to the point in their lives that allow them to start a hoard or to be homeless because of addiction.   There is always a reason.  Always.  Whether it is abandonment or loss of a job or family member, or a form of abuse.   

This makes me wonder as a mom, wife, and friend.  Where the warning signs begin.  Do others just ignore signs?  Looking back on my own life, I can honestly say that my mom was a hoarder.  She was a hoarder because her marriage broke up and it was her and 4 kids.  She was depressed.  As a kid though I will make some observations. 

First, us kids were responsible for cleaning.  This avoided an active hoard.  Her room would get “messy”, but the rest of the house was always in decent shape and clutter-free.  I admit, because we were kids, there was an aspect of stuff hidden under beds. 

Secondly, I think as kids we never even had the maturity to realize that our mom was depressed.  We saw her as tired.  We saw her as sedentary.   We saw her as overwhelmed. 

After we all were raised and moved out, we saw a bigger hoard.  I looked at it as her still being tired and unmotivated.  She worked nights, came home went to bed.  When she got up, she would go see her mom, one of her kids, eat somewhere, go to the store, and eventually go back to work.  Nothing was priority at home.

There were several times that we (the kids) would go clean for her.  It would just happen again.  Eventually my mom came and lived with me and the hoarding ability was gone.  She would save stuff though, that didn’t really make sense, but it was limited and confined. 

Addiction shows are also interesting to me.  Again, there is always a trigger.  The same triggers as a hoarding.  Something happens that leads to alcohol or drug dependency. 

My grandfather was an alcoholic.  I have spent a lot of time trying to dissect what may have been his “trauma”.  Obviously, I will never know.  It could have been that his dad died when he was an infant.  He had a great stepdad and half siblings.  It could have been his 6 sons going off to the military at   18.  I am sure I don’t know for certain and will never know.  That secret died in 1979 with him. 

Again though, there was obviously a reason.  Today we have the expertise of mental health and addiction specialists.  I hope that we are losing the stigma that comes with therapy.  I personally think everyone should see a therapist.   We all have too much on our plate to not need a confidant at some point.

I guess my point is that, no one should have to hide from the past trauma.  We all have the right to be healthy and happy.  There is no shame in being overwhelmed.

Be a friend or a support to others who we can see are reaching out or hiding through hoarding or addiction.