My Husband

I have mentioned that I have been married two times.  I was married when I was 18.  I was widowed right before I was 45.   Shortly after I was widowed I met my current husband.  Tim. 

I can’t say enough about Tim.  He’s incredible.  I love him. I adore him.  He has renewed my ability to believe in marriage and family.   He’s just a plain good guy. 

I actually met Tim on My Space.  I’m not really sure who we had on the site that was a mutual friend. What I do know is one of us responded to a comment that the other one made.  Before long Tim sent a personal message and asked for my phone number.  I obviously gave it to him. 

After a few weeks he asked if I would have dinner with him.  When I am not sure about something, I get extremely sarcastic.  Instead of answering with a deserved yes or no, I said something to the effect of suggesting that we meet at a Wendy’s hamburger joint and thought maybe he could just bring an engagement ring.  I actually said that we could just get engaged.  That did not happen. 

The day that we were going to meet, he called me to tell me that he was going to postpone, due to the SNIFFLES.  I shamed him into meeting me regardless.  We met over dinner and got along nicely.  We talked a lot.  For me that isn’t normally an issue.  Tim is far more reserved that I am.  Neither of us were looking for someone to date. 

Enough of that.  I feel very blessed that Tim’s entire family has welcomed me into the family.  I adore them all.  Unfortunately, I never met his mom.  I understand that that would have been the real test.   She was quite critical of her children’s spouses.  I was supposed to meet her, but she died the week prior.  I will be positive and believe that we would have gotten along nicely.

Tim’s dad was a treat to know.  He was actually the only father-in-law I had.  Bruce’s dad died before I dated Bruce and his step father didn’t exactly like his kids.  So there were no interactions with him.  Dan, his dad was a sweet man.  I only knew him after his wife died.  He truly lost the love of his life.  With that loss, he lost some of his spunk and will to thrive.

Tim knew the important it was for me to continue taking care of my mom.  He knew that and welcomed my mom into our house.  In fact, when we bought our house part of the criteria was to find a house with a space suitable for my mom’s needs.  Tim became my mom’s escort, helping her walk around the house.  They were also partners with their sweet tooth’s.  He always bought her sweets for her candy stash.

Tim and I don’t fight.  We don’t argue.  We rarely disagree.  It’s an easy relationship.  I think that we were both in difficult relationships the first time around.  As a result, we appreciate each other.  The little tendencies that might irritate us, such as, Tim hates when I leave time on the microwave and I don’t understand drawers that are ajar.  We just fix it and move on with the day.  Neither of us do it deliberately.

We don’t have the stresses of young couples with children and discipline.   We don’t spend all of our time together.   We give each other room to breathe. 

I appreciate him.  He’s a good guy.  He’s my good guy.

Divorce and Parenting 

Divorce is a commonality in many families.   When I was a child my parents divorced.  I certainly would not be in the minority today, as I was in the 60’s and 70.’s.  Truth be told, had I not been raised in a single parent household as a result of a divorce, my first marriage may have ended in one.  I think, or maybe I know that.   I was determined that I was not going to do that to my kids.

I give a lot of credit to divorced families who can co-parent.  I’m sure that it’s a struggle.  Where there are egos, there is a possibility of trouble.  I know a family who co-parented successfully.  They would have dinner together once a week.  All the parents, kids, step kids, everyone.  They would all schedule the week’s events, talk about issues and bond.  I found that to be impressive. 

There is a term that many people are unfamiliar with.  Parent alienation.  This is when a situation in which a child, on an ongoing basis, belittles and insults one parent without justification.  One parent minimizes the importance of the other parent in the attempt to “kill off” the other parent. 

There are common traits that seem to occur when parental alienation is happening.  The child views the alienating parent as the good and honest parent and expresses only negative feelings toward the target parent who is seen as all bad.  

The child denies being coached or influenced by one parent.  The child presents the criticism as their own ideas. Negativity extends to the targeted parent’s extended family.   Often the child is made to feel like they are protecting one parent from the other.  This leads to the child’s contempt, hatred and rejection toward the target parent are based on frivolous and unwarranted reasons.   Successful cases of parent alienation results in the child consistently rejects one parent and refuses to have contact with them. 

Parent alienation happens far more frequently than you might think.  Unfortunately, the parent who is being targeted often believes that is they don’t respond to these attacks, the children will come to an understanding.  This is often because the parent who is coaching the kids is making the kids think that the parent is mean and out of control with their temper.

These parents who poison their kids from knowing the other parent do a complete injustice to the kids.  It is sad that any child is raised believing that the other parent doesn’t care for their children.  Can a child be raised and be a healthy adult believing that one parent is useless?

As an adult it occurred to me that I never heard my mom say a negative word about my dad.  Never.  Not once.  I see now how classy that was on her part.  I’m sure at times she had to bite her tongue, but she did what she had to do to not influence negatively about our dad.  My dad, for the most part, did the same.

In the end, divorce is in most cases hard on the children in the family.  They are the innocent sufferers of their parent’s issues.  I wish all divorced parents could set aside their own issues and work to raise their kids with all of the love and positivity they can.

Always a mom.

I think that it is only natural to always want to parent and protect and guide your kids.  At least for me it is.  That may be a failure of my own.  My kids are 36, 34, and 31 and I try to keep my mouth closed and thoughts to myself.  Sometimes, that isn’t so successful! 

To me it’s this simple.  The minute I found out I was pregnant, I started caring for my babies.   They are born and totally dependent on their parents.  I nursed my kids so they were never too far away for extended times.  I taught them to grow and be independent.  I marveled at every accomplishment.  I hugged their sadness away.  I kissed their tears away. 

One day, I looked around the house and my small babies and children were gone and somehow my house was full of adults.  I struggled for a while wishing my babies would be back on my lap.  Wishing didn’t work.  That left me with the option to embrace my new roles in life.    I eventually found my way to Teetah and mother in law, and still mom to my 3 kids.

I have mentioned before that there are times in life for me that time and moments freeze.  Probably the best example of that was when my kid’s dad died.  We all found ourselves in a hospital waiting room.  First I should interject that Chris, my oldest son, was living in LA.  My heart broke to think about him flying across the country alone.  I was sure that the time would sit still.  I was very careful to not let him know the seriousness of his dad’s condition.

He knew that his dad had a heart attack and had surgery to correct the problem.  What he didn’t know was that his dad was on life support.  A cousin picked him up from the airport and brought him straight to the hospital. 

I will never forget Chris walking into the room and seeing his dad.  Before he went into the room, I did tell him about his dad’s condition.  I can tell you what he had on.  I can tell you how sad and helpless the situation was. 

I remember the second morning, Greg (my second son) walked into the hospital and looked at me trying to assure me that life was going to be ok.  He clearly spent most of the night before processing the reality of life for his dad.  That reality was death. 

With Meg, it was in the doorway of her dad’s room.  She stopped and looked in the room with tears in her eyes, listening to her grandmother talking to her baby, Megan’s dad.  It was a horrible time.  But those moments, time stopped for me.

Bruce dying, in a few months is going to be 10 years.  In time, life resumed.  Now I was the sole parent of my three adult kids.

So many things have changed.  The thing that hasn’t changed is my need, desire to help my kids.  I am a fixer.  I think that I look at life in a very realistic approach.  I hear a situation and instinctively THINK I know how to fix it. 

The problem I have now is often my kids don’t want to hear my solution or approach to a solution. 

I want my kids to be happy.  I want my kids to trust their hearts.  I want my kids to see what is important and hang onto it dearly.  Life can change in a second.  I don’t want my kids to ever regret going the extra mile to be happy and feel whole.

I wish I can just line them all up and give them the reassurance to believe in love. Believe in each other. 

I think there is so much pressure on people, regardless if we are talking about a kindergartener or a 60-year-old.   It’s so important to know that you have a supportive spouse, siblings, friends and parents in you corner.

Sometimes maybe the most important thing is to hear the “ wise mom’s “ words and trust that she loves you enough to know that she is right…..

Just maybe????????

Life and death.

My grandmother died in November 2013.  She was 100 years old and about 3 weeks.  She always said that she wanted to be 100.  She met her goal.  Maybe she should have aimed higher.  Since then, I have lost track with the number of deaths my husband and I have had.  I believe we are nearing 50.  These are people who we were close enough to the person or the family that we either attended the funeral or send something.   They have included relatives, friend’s family, friends of my kids.    It’s to the point that I hate to see the paper.

After my grandmother, my husband’s father was one of the next.  Tim is from Sheboygan, WI.  We were at my daughter’s house, leaving early the next morning for a business trip to Florida.  At 10 o’clock PM, we got a call.  My sister-in-law called to say their dad fell and broke his hip.  Instead of going to Florida with our summer clothes, we found ourselves driving to Wisconsin with our summer clothes in February.  Trust me when I say that that particular winter, there weren’t enough clothes to stay warm in Wisconsin.

It was a long week in Wisconsin, followed be a quick trip back to PA, followed by a 2 week trip back to Wisconsin.  We were prepared for the weather the second trip.  At one point, I told my husband, who thought he was going to have to return home for a business meeting that I was there for the duration.  I was available.  Tim was able to move things and stay.

Tim has two brothers and a sister.  One is in Utah.  One is in Texas.  One is in Florida/ Australia.  We are the closest at 600 miles. 

Anyone who has gone through the drill of watching a loved one lose their life knows that it is emotionally difficult.  It is physically difficult.  At one point, Tim’s dad told Tim that he really didn’t think he knew how to die.  Sad. 

His 3 sons and a grandson were all there the last week.  They were all taking turns staying through the night.  I personally made a promise that we would make sure that he was never alone.  He wasn’t alone.  All three of the sons were with him. 

Immediately after we returned home.  We helped our good friend put her husband in hospice.  He went home on Tuesday and died early Sunday morning.  I was taking turns staying overnight.  Tim and I both stayed the night that he died. We again found ourselves burying someone important to us. 

 In December 2014, my mom was taken to the hospital.  There was a strong possibility that she was going to make it to the hospital.  There was a possibility that she was going to be a DOA.  She was having a rough time for the week prior.  When she was in the hospital she was able to have a good few days, followed by a steady decline.  Again, Tim and I found ourselves watching someone die.  My mom died on December 26^th early in the morning.  Three of her kids were with her, as was Tim and her oldest granddaughter and her husband.  Another sad week for us.  My son, Chris, was flying home from LA.  He missed seeing her by a few hours.

 A few days later, my first husband’s step father died. 

Tim and I actually had to start wondering what was going on.  It all was too crazy.   2015 was another year of deaths.  I looked on Facebook this week and 3 more people died.  Death is a horrible.  Although, I will and do acknowledge that many people who die are finally ending horrible struggles and illness.

I hope that soon I will pick up the paper or look at Facebook and not see mentions of death. I hope it ends soon. 

I will say seeing people die always scared me.  But, since my first husband died, I got a new perspective (thanks to a nurse) on the dying process.  Now I am not afraid of watching death.  I accept the sadness.  I feel that it is a privilege of perhaps being a source of comfort. 

Incidental Teaching

I think that incidental teaching is amazingly important way to teach kids.  Young kids are sponges.  They learn quickly.  I always liked teaching my kids random things.  I enjoy teaching my grandkids randomly too.  I consider myself a plethora of useless information.  I’m sure I got this from hanging out with my grandparents when I was young.   

I remember grandma and grandpap never excluded kids from a conversation.  We were always asked thought provoking questions.  We were always asked opinions.   

The question is with all of the computer and video capabilities are we robbing our young ones of the ability to think without a computer prompt?  Are our kids losing the ability to entertain themselves in creative ways?  I personally believe so.  I also know that computers and video games have a prominent place in our kids’ life’s as well as our own.

Lily is an English child.  By the time she was 4 she would often ask what the definition of a word was.  Then most of the time I would catch her using the word in a sentence.  She has an amazing vocabulary for a 6-year-old.  She has an ability to sound out words and read and spell them. 

Caroline is 2.  Just yesterday she told me that she hurt her hand and needed to elevate it.  It took me a minute to realize what she was saying.  Honestly, I realized it when she crawled onto a chair in the living room upside down and put her legs on the back of the chair.  A week or two earlier, Lily was here and hurt her leg and I told her that she should elevate it.  Apparently, Caroline learned that when you get a booboo, you elevate.  Regardless of where the booboo is.  Truthfully, I did the same thing to my kids, with the same results.

Prior to the world of video games and computer everything for kids starting at birth essentially we had to find ways to entertain our kids.  I was a pro at it.  I would well prepare for excursions.  I would have color and shape scavenger hunts planned for them.  I would give them magazines and have them find a picture of a dog, apple or whatever I could quickly see while rummaging through the pages.  I would draw trees and boats and have them add apples or cherries or fish to complete the pictures.   Incidental teaching was far more cost effective than video and computer things are today.  I would start a story with a couple of lines to and we would take turns adding onto the story.  In the end, we would have a story.  Mostly, the story never made a bit of sense.  However, the story always had everyone’s personality incorporated in it.

Now when I am in a car with Lily and Caroline, we play a series of games.  Lily’s favorite is name the food.  We all take turns thinking of a food and answering questions until we guess it.  The questions have to be yes or no.  The only clue is the color of the food.   Since Caroline is a little young for that game, we name a color or a shape and list as many things that are either that color or that shape.  The I-spy game is also good. 

When my kids got older, for some reason we would find ourselves waiting for Bruce (the kid’s dad) quite often. Bruce would always know someone and was always willing to chat.   Chris and I got to be pros at making up the conversation that was happening.  We would have Bruce talking about fashion or whatever we KNEW that they weren’t talking about.  It was all about creativity and passing time.

What I have realized through this incidental teaching is that kids embrace it.  Kids have a lot of years ahead of them to sit in a formal education setting and learn.  It’s so important to give them tools they need to reason and be creative.  I like to think out of the box when I have the grandkids and share random knowledge with them.  

My Mom   part 1

I have mentioned my mother in a previous blog.  My mom was truly the most passive person I have ever known.  My parents divorced when I was young, so my mom raised 4 kids on her own.  She was tired every day.  She worked hard to provide for us.  I am not implying that my dad did not support us, he did.  As with any family there are always things needed. 

Truth be told, looking back there is no doubt in my mind that she was depressed for a large part of her life.  Sad to realize that so late in life.  

Several years ago, she had a knee replacement.  Long story short.  She ended up with a staph infection in her leg.  There was a period of time that she was constantly having surgeries to try to clear the infection up.  She had antibiotic blocks in her knee, she had a vacuum apparatus in her knee that was draining the infection with the hope of healing it. 

Throughout this period of time, she lived with me.  I became my mother’s mother.  I never have considered myself to be “the nurse” type.  When my kids would get hurt, I would have them elevate whatever was hurt above their heart.  My solution to cuts was to jump in the pool and let the chlorine clean it out.  Then I became a caregiver to my mom.  I was so far out of my safety zone.

Where to start.  It was difficult watching her leg simply refuse to heal.  No matter what the doctors were trying, nothing was working.  She would have 6 week stays in nursing homes for IV antibiotics.  She was a trooper and was able to maintain her passiveness.  Over a period of about 5 years she had 15 surgeries.  The 15^th was an amputation. 

I remember being at the doctors and him saying that he would give it his all, but there would be a point that she would just be ready for the amputation.  My mom worked in a nursing home and told me that she dealt with many amputees who would be fitted with a prosthetic limb and they were uncomfortable and more times than not, sit in the closet. 

For me personally, I did medical billing and would nearly get nauseous typing the codes for billing amputations.  And this was turning into our life’s!  I felt so unprepared for this.  I struggled with knowing that I needed to jump in and deal with it.  I remember going to the appointment and signing a release for the surgery and scheduling it.  July 2006. 

The night before the surgery, she was talking to my daughter and told her that she had a hang nail, but wasn’t going to worry about it since within 24 hours, she wouldn’t have that leg.   Incredibly enough, that was the site of her phantom pain.  

All 4 of her kids went to the hospital spouses on arm, except for me, I was a widow at this time.  We all knew that it was going to be a long day.  I planned on staying at the hospital the first night in case there were any issues.  Surgery went well.  The source of the infection was gone.  Within days, my mom was off to a rehab hospital that would teach her to deal with her new situation.  Again, she handled this with great bravery and in silence.  She soon returned to the house, prosthesis and all.  

I said that my mom was on antibiotics numerous times.  What wasn’t realized was that antibiotics are hard on the kidneys.  My mom soon had kidney issues.  In less than a year of her amputation, she had a staghorn kidney stone that was 84 % of her right kidney.   She needed surgery to have it removed.   The surgery had to be stopped at midpoint because she went into AFIB.    Another round of issues for my mom.   This was so unfair.  She needed a break.

To shorten the story.  My mom was released from the hospital without Coumadin.   The blood thinner that would prevent her from having a stroke.  I knew that she needed it.  I didn’t think through the situation correctly though.  I kept reaching out to the hospital and the doctor that released her.  I called repeatedly with no return calls.  In retrospect, I should have called her PCP.  I dropped the ball.

A day after she was released, I came home from work and got her dinner.  Immediately after I gave her dinner and I walked out of her room, I heard her plate fall.  I knew what happened.  My mom had a stroke.  I called my neighbor (who was an EMT) over to start assessing her.  By the time the ambulance got there she was ready to go.  I wanted to be as proactive as possible because I knew that there was a possible drug that was given to stroke patients to slow the damage that could occur.   

She was in a coma for 6 days. 

I am going to stop at this point.  I have to write about my mom giving her all of the honor she deserves.  Tomorrow I will write more!

I hope you are enjoying my blogs.  Please share.  Please comment.

Babies and kids.

It is amazingly tiresome to watch kids.  This weekend, I had three out of four of the grandkids.  Lily (almost 6), Caroline (2 ½) and Jack 13 months.  Maisie (8 months) wasn’t invited to the party.  I Think that all babies that are not only children should be allowed to be only children now and again.  This was the first time that Maisie had all of her parent’s attention.  It was also the first time her mom and dad’s first time to see Maisie as an only child.

They realized how easy she is.  Caroline their older daughter is always in forward motion.  Always.  She even is prone to night terrors.  So she can be exhausting at times.  She is NOT by any sense a bad child.  She is a super smart child with all kinds of ideas to explore.  The funny thing about Caroline is you can hurt her feeling really quickly.  She can melt into tears if she thinks she might be in trouble. 

I often see how much like her uncle (my oldest son, Chris) she is.  Always moving, sleeping was always tough.  Chris spent a lot of time punishing himself for things he thought he was in trouble for.  He was always beating himself up for no reason.  He was also the worrier.

When Chris was in kindergarten and was tested at the end of the year, he saw the teacher talking to me and assumed he was failing the school year.  The teacher was asking if the guidance counselor wanted to test him because he did so well on the test.  I was fine with the testing.  The day he was tested, he was asked a series of questions.  At one point the question was, What color is a banana?  Chris stopped and looked at her and thought about it When he answered he was reluctant.  Finally, he said that it was a hard question because he didn’t know which answer was the best.  After being prompted, Chris reasoned and said that bananas are green, then yellow, then yellow and brown spotted, then brown, then black.  He wasn’t sure which one she was looking for.

Back to the grandkids.  My daughter has two daughters who are livewires.  Greg, my second son has two kids (Lily and Jack) who are just laid back.  Lily is the most compliant child I have ever encountered.  When she is here, you never have to ask her anything twice.  The only thing that she does is announces that she is hungry at bedtime.  We know it’s coming so we are proactive.   Jack is walking.  He is a boy and is more willing to explore that Lily.  But he is just as easy.  Jack is always ready to share a smile.  The core difference between Lily and Caroline is Lily is the child who will sit for an hour and color or draw.  Caroline is the child who will Draw on her face with markers. 

I like the time I have with the grandkids.  I know that I am fortunate.  I see the years slipping away.  It can’t be helped.  It’s just a reminder of how we have to cherish the time.

Harper Lee died.  So many people have died this year and its February.  One truth of life is you never know when it will end.  I’m not going to ret religious or philosophical about life and death.  I was simply stating the obvious. 

Harper Lee was an author who wrote a book entitled,” To Kill a Mockingbird.”   This book became part of the curriculum in many schools throughout the years.  I remember reading it for the first time in ninth grade.  Up to that point, I never enjoyed reading.  For me, it was a book that symbolized the conflict of innocence and evil.  In my mind it was a glimpse of how quickly like can change.  The setting was in the deep south in what seemed to be an easy, simple time for the kids.  Harper Lee allowed the characters to be creative, curious kids. 

The book walked the characters through the changing of their life’s.  It made them realize the impurities of life.  It made them explore who they could trust and what they could believe in.  All of these are things that we as child work through on our own on some level.

Harper Lee only ever published books.  Late in her life a book called, “Go Set a Watchman”.  This was a sequel to “To Kill a Mockingbird”.   I had heard that the Watchman book was an early draft written before she wrote, “To Kill a Mockingbird”.  The main characters are the same.  It was written from the viewpoint of Scout (the main character) as an adult.  It didn’t prove to be as rewarding of a read for me.  Maybe my expectations were too high.

Many thought provoking quotes stemmed from her original book.  One of my favorites is, “People generally see what they are looking for and hear what they listen for.”  It’s true.   People can hear an entire conversation and only take the 1 thing that they CHOOSE to hear.  Most of the time to justify their own beliefs. 

Another quote, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from there point of view….until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”  Again, I think this still holds true today.  People are so eager to critique and criticize without understanding what is really going on for them. 

Lastly, “Mockingbirds don’t do one this but make music for us to enjoy.  They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.  That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird”.  Maybe that is a lesson we all need to work on.  Look at the values we all have, rather than the annoyances.

I always thought it would be fun to write a book.  I, however, know that I don’t have the ability to create and progress characters throughout a novel.  If I wrote a book, I suspect it would be a hot mess.  I am intrigued by Harper Lee.  She published 2 books.  One of which was a successful movie and won her the Pulitzer Award in 1961 for.  

I think daily we need reminders to pay attention to what is important.  Be open-minded.  When all else fails…….simplify, sit back and breathe.

I will often be writing about my mom.  I am trying to find the words to make readers understand the caliper of person she was.  Please be patient.

My mom....

I have mentioned my mother in a previous blog.  My mom was truly the most passive person I have ever known.  My parents divorced when I was young, so my mom raised 4 kids on her own.  She was tired every day.  She worked hard to provide for us.  I am not implying that my dad did not support us, he did.  As with any family there are always things needed. 

Truth be told, looking back there is no doubt in my mind that she was depressed for a large part of her life.  Sad to realize that so late in life.   My mom worked, came home, spent time with us kids.  Spent time with friends.  She spent time with her parents and her sisters. 

Because she worked, us kids were responsible for house work, yard work, and cooking.  I really don’t remember a chore list or even a conversation with a breakdown of tasks.  Somehow, we just knew that we were going to have to help.  We did.  We didn’t complain.  I can honestly say that cooking was a good thing not to have my mom do.  She was never a gourmet cook for sure.  I am not saying she didn’t have the capability to cook.  She just didn’t take the time to cook. 

There is 6 years between me and my oldest brother.  I remember with every graduation I felt a responsibility for my mom.  I also felt a guilt.  I was the youngest.  I was going to be the last to leave.  When I left……….my mom was alone.  I hated that reality. I hated thinking that I was going to move out and my mom was going to just be there. 

In time, I was married, had a child and was living on my own.  My mom’s life was very ok.  She spent a lot of time with my grandparents and then grandmother after her dad died.  She spent time with her sister’s and us kids.  My grandmother and her would go to this little auction every Friday evening.  Occasionally, I would show up with 1,2, or 3 of my kids.  The auction always had a full cast of characters.  Many things auctioned were identified as “A honey for your money”!  That may have been “auction talk”.  My kids and I ran with it though.   

My mom always made time for her kids and grandkids.  My mom was masterful at soothing kids and humming them to sleep.  She would hum the same tune; the same tune that I’m sure she hummed to her kids as well as her grandkids and then great grandkids.  I never recognized it as an actual song.  In my mind it was just the tune she hummed for 60+ years.

Mom always made the best of the situation.  She enjoyed life and everything that was important. My mom was never domineering or demanding.  She was mild and calming. She was simply a good lady.

Family.  What a broad topic.  It is a topic that I am certain that I will approach often and from many different angles.  I think that each of us have many facets to what we consider our family.  I think too, that our family evolves many times throughout our life. 

There is a popular saying that cousins are you first best friends.  I see this to be true in my generation and older generations.  Now, I think in some instances this is still true.  I think though that many cousins don’t live in the same regions of the country or world.

For me as a child, I had cousins close by and far away.  I also had the luxury of living beside my grandmother and seeing my cousins from out of town pass our house on the way to grandma’s.  This was a sure indication that I should put my shoes on, or maybe not, just high tail it to meet and greet my cousins.  Within minutes the kids would she shooed to the living room to “talk politics” as grandma used to say.

On my mom’s side of the family.  We were all in close proximity to cousins.  We would see each other weekly. 

I guess thinking about this now, I was fortunate.  I am the youngest of 4.  All of my cousins begin at my age and younger.  I suspect my sister and brother’s may not have the same point of view.

Through the years and with the chaos of life, time eludes all of us, even cousins.  In many cases, we turn into “wedding and funeral relatives”.  This is very true on my dad’s side of the family.  Everyone was and has spread around the country.  You hear of family triumphs and sadness.  Not much more.  To that point, I promised my cousin 5 months ago to find pictures of our grandparents and family and share with her.  It will get done.  Soon. 

In my case, with my mom’s side of the family, we have been fortunate to live within a reasonable distance of each other.  So we would run into each other occasionally.  But we were also fortunate enough to have my grandmother live a very long life.  With elderly years though, she needed care and some of the grandkids were able to step in and help when needed.  This gave us cousins a like cause to share in and refriend each other.

With this, we planned picnics for my grandmother and invited her nieces and nephews and our immediate families.  We would quickly have 50 people who all shared a bond of family.  We would just eat and talk.  We would take lots of pictures.  I am sure that the picnics were enjoyed by all of us for different reasons.  For my cousins and I who planned them, the reasons were to see our families enjoy their time together and to know that our mom’s and grandmother could take a stroll down memory lane.  For others, it was a time to catch up. 

The one sure thing about family is that there is always an unspoken bond.  There is always a past and hopefully always a future.  In my family, with my cousins there is always a need to tease and laugh.