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I mentioned in my first blog that I was married, separated, widowed and remarried.  I got married shortly after high school.  My husband was 5 years older than me.  We had three kids by the time I was 25.  I like that I was a young mother.  I had the energy to keep up with the kids.  I had the examples from my own childhood to know how I wanted to raise my kids. 

My first husband. Hmmmmm.  He and I split time between being on the same page and being on different pages.  I realized at some young age that I was the chief.  I was in charge.  I was ok with that on some level.  Bruce was around if he wanted to be.  If he wanted to take his cute little family out, he knew that we would be nicely dressed and the kids would behave nicely.  Most of the time he was content knowing that we were home, on the proverbial shelf.  

Why did I tolerate this incomplete life?  Easy, lack of confidence.  Truthfully, I would have to add that Bruce was quite charismatic also.  He was honestly the guy who could walk into a room, sell himself to the room within 10 minutes.  Obviously, he knew how to sweet talk me too. 

I said that I was happy to have my kids young.  Part of the reason is because Bruce got to watch the kids grow up.  He had a heart attack when our youngest was 21.  He was put on life support and the family decided that the right thing to do was to take him off of life support.  He lived for 6 hours.  I consider the fact that he got to see his kids as adults was a blessing and well worth the efforts and sacrifices that were made. 

At the time of Bruce dying, we were separated.  Oddly, we got along better when we were separated.  I suppose I quit having any expectations of him.  I viewed the situation as…. If Bruce was around ok, but if he wasn’t no one skipped a beat.  It did put me in a tough spot when it came to like decisions.   We were legally married.  I was legally in charge.  I always made sure that when I would talk to a doctor or nurse, one of my kids were with me and one of Bruce’s siblings.  I am not implying that I was nervous about making decisions.  I just felt that everyone needed to be represented.  After all, Bruce was a son, brother, uncle, father and husband.

I became a widow at 44 years old.  After Bruce died, my life obviously was different.  I remember at some point being stressed because now my kids only had one parent.  How unfair that was for them?   I didn’t know how that felt.  I still had both of my parents, yet my kids didn't have their dad.

Some months after Bruce dying, I met Tim.  Quite a guy.  Quite opposite from Bruce.  Bruce in one word would be described as selfish.  Tim is not selfish in any way.  We got married and are living happily ever after.  He has been incorporated into my first husband’s family much easier than my own.  Most importantly, the kids have accepted him nicely. 

When I say the kids, I should clarify by saying that my sons have a core group of friends who have been part of their life’s since elementary school.  These kids look at me as a mother in many respects.  I believe that I heard from each of these guys, giving me their approval.   

I am in a very happy place.  When my kids were young, I wanted to raise adult kids that I would want to have around me.  I accomplished that.  I like my kids and their sidekicks as people.  My 4 grandkids are terrific. Bruce I believe would have been a very doting and dedicated grandpa!