Old Shoes
We all have that old pair of shoes that we always return
to. The slightly worn comfortable
shoes. We keep them as long as
possible. Much longer than we should. My husband Tim, still has a pair of work
boots from high school days.
Here is my thought.
Why do we keep our old comfortable shoes, maybe change out the laces,
maybe even get them resoled yet our relationships seem to be disposable?
I know people who have dated, gotten married and within a
short period of time, are signing divorce papers. Why is that?
What are reasonable viewpoints of marriage? Most importantly why aren’t relationships
precious to us?
I personally don’t get it.
How can you date and be in a relationship, yet apparently, don’t know
who you are in a relationship with? Is it
that or is it that people don’t understand the definition of marriage? My personal belief is we live in such a
disposable world. If you don’t want
something, something else is easily available.
I am not saying that you should stay in a bad marriage or relationship. What I am saying is that sometimes you have
to work hard to succeed. Marriage,
relationships and feelings are all real.
Our decisions impact people. They
impact ourselves.
Relationships should not be disposable. We need to invest time and energy, patience,
forgiveness, and we need to remember neither person is without faults. Don’t invest all of your time pointing out
what is wrong with everyone else and assume you teetering on perfection. If that is what you think, I will help…. You
aren’t perfect either.
Factually, I think there is great joy in having the comfort
of a relationship.
Realize the importance of a relationship. Realize that it is always a changing
pulse. Sometime you will carry the load,
at times your sidekick will. Marriage and
relationships require give and take every day, maybe even every hour.
When I had babies, if they were on the potty and didn’t do
anything, that they would never go. I
continued to work and try through encouragement until it was a success. Why on earth do people give up on relationship’s?
I guess to end, I will say, let’s remember the comfort of
the old shoes and realize and cherish the relationships you have.
I don't have much respect for the institution of marriage. Too much history of ownership and control and politics. I feel strongly that commitments should stand on their own without requiring a legal contract.
ReplyDeleteIf the relationship doesn't stand, a legal contract should not constrain. I get that some people like and lean on the symbolism and that's fine for them.
I was in a relationship for 22 years before I came to realize that my partner was so broken that the only terms we could share were broken.
I paid alimony and child support. I fully respected the relationship and the impact of our separation. But no marriage contract was going to fix 11 years of sexual molestation by her father.
Did I know her? Maybe not cause I always thought if I could just be devoted enough, she could heal.
In the end there could not be enough trust to heal. No encouragement from me could fix what had happened to her.
I consider myself pretty self examined and I think my case is somewhat extreme, but I think people get into relationships all the time without completely knowing their partner. My father used to say that's made a relationship easier because your standards and expectations hadn't been developed yet.
I agree that a lot of people don't know how to nurture a relationship and don't know themselves well enough to know what they are projecting and what is their partner.
But I don't begrudge people who get in and out of marriages as they are trying to figure out who they are and what they like.
And I don't believe any of us really knows our partner until at least 10 years in.
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Delete22 years is a long relationship. A relationship becomes extra difficult when abuse occurred. The dating process is to get to know one another. When a relationship is so short. Relationships take commitment, trust, foregiveness, loyalty, humor, and love.
ReplyDeleteA relationship should last longer than planning a wedding.