Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

Why is forgiveness of one’s self so much more difficult than forgiving others?  Is it because we know our own hearts and our own failures?  Is it because we would have to change our actions in order to forgive ourselves?  I suppose all are true.

Here’s what I have seen.  I mentioned the other day that I watch reality television.  There is a common theme among a lot of them.  That theme is that there is always a history of some form of trauma.  Whether it as a death, a rape, abuse, whatever; it seems that some people can ease through it and put it into a perspective and others are not. Obviously this is because we are all different. 

Even with siblings, things are processed differently.  I know that with my own siblings, we all went through many of the same traumas, we all have a separate take from the same events.  Some of us are more emotional than others.  We each have our own protections from issues.

However, you handle trauma, as long as you handle it in a healthy way.  I don’t think it matters.  When you get “stuck” in a way that hurts you, then you have to get fixed.  You aren’t handling issues; you are hiding behind issues.  When you hide, they never get put into any perspective.

I remember years ago, hearing an illustration of two families who were friends.  One of the father’s accidentally ran over the other family’s dog.   The dad who hit the dog, went in and told the other father what had happened.  They buried the dog together in the back yard.   All seemed to have been forgiven.  The problem is that every time The two families got together, the dad (who ran the dog over) would go to the corner of the yard and dig up the dead dog and discuss the whole event again. Clearly self-forgiveness hadn’t happened.

Regardless of what your past has handed you, it is the past.  There is a saying, the past makes the future.  It does to the degree you allow it to.  You have to own the past; you have to live in the present.  Not the past. 

You have to put things into perspective.  If you know me, you know that I say that often.  Forgiving yourself is a huge part of that.  Sadly, if you are not able to forgive yourself you will carry baggage.  You will almost always find yourself digging out in some way down the road.  Sadness, addiction, gluttony, hoarding, and hiding will not serve you well in the future.  My advice, sit down, breathe, write yourself a note or burn an old picture or something to allow you to forgive yourself.

You don’t want to find yourself on my television as a hoarder, with someone who cares about you walking through your hoard (I’m not sure how these people on Hoarders have kids and relatives who say they haven’t been in the house for extended periods of time) or having an intervention. 

Forgiving yourself is hard, but truly is a liberating and the best thing you can do for yourself.