It seems to me that when your kids move away and the years pass, it would be logical that you would get used to the hellos and goodbyes. I can honestly say that I have not. I truly hate it. I miss my son. I miss Katie, his sidekick.
I want everyone to live closer to me. At least in the same time zone. When he moved to LA, I really had no desire to go see him. I missed him, but I was afraid to realize that he had a life out there. He created a life away from his parents, sister, and brother.
He lived in LA for I think 5 years before I flew out to see him. I hated the flight out because for the first time since he lived there, I needed to accept that he was really that far away from me.
I remember on one of his trips home with Katie, I realized when we dropped them off at the airport, that he was going home. His home was in LA. His home in PA was in the past. I hated it.
I remember wondering how my grandmother handled 6 sons growing up and being drafted. She literally had a son leave every year. It had to break her heart every time one left. I guess when some of them left the area for work, it may have been a relief that they were at least in the same country, without a gun issued to him. Although, one of them lived in Israel for a couple of years. After he retired, the same son joined the peace corps.
I want to be selfish and believe that Chris needs me. The reality is that he is an adult and can manage without me. I guess we long ago crossed that threshold and now I am the listening ear and occasional advice giver.
All in all, I am happy, and realize that I am fortunate enough to have two of my kids close to me. Many people don't have that.
I know that sometime down the
road my kids will be helping me. My
daughter is assuming that I will have dementia.
She tells me that she is going to tell me to pack for the beach and put
me in a home. She imagines that I will
be spotted in the nursing home. I will
be the person walking through the halls, in a bathing suit and flip flops
looking for the beach. We will have to
wait and see.
I do admittedly, wonder if I
struggle with this is because I was a young mom. I don’t know.
Beautiful and poignant although I take issue with the idea that your kids no longer need you.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could look forward to taking pleasure seeing you walk through the halls in your bathing suit and flip flops - but I suspect I'llbe roaming along side you looking for oxalis to eradicate. :)
LOL. I think my kids need me for advice and to know that I am still their number 1 fan. I do realize though that they can function well on their own. Meg actually says I will have a two piece swimming suit on that is ill-fitting.
ReplyDelete