Communication

Have you ever thought about how people communicate?  It’s rather amazing if you think about how our personalities mesh.  How many ways there are to get a point across. 

Both sets of my grandparent’s had very distinct ways to communicate with one another.  My dad’s parents were loud.  They argued every day.  Not because they were mad at each other, that’s just how they communicated. I am not saying that they fought daily.

My mom’s parents communicated, mostly my grandmother did the communicating.  My grandfather mostly nodded and then took a walk, after he did what he wanted. 

My conversations with Bruce were presented far different than with Tim.  Tim is far more passive than Bruce.  I am far more passive than I was in my old life.  Each relationship is unique and takes on a life of its own.

I know people who really don’t seem to be able to get a point across without swearing, screaming, or belittling others.  I understand that we all get frustrated and blow things out of control.  I personally don’t understand why people swear.  Four million words and people use the same ten swear words.  That’s just my view.  I can’t say that I get offended by people’s language too often. 

With my kids and their friends.  It’s kind of funny, because IF they are around me and swear, they immediately apologize.  I have a friend who is my mom’s age, she too, apologizes if she swears around me.

The thing is that how we treat people and how we talk to people does matter.  People deserve respect.  People deserve the right to listen and be listened to.  Shouting and screaming over each other, probably is not the most effective way to motivate a person.

I read a study once on communication.  It revealed that when you communicate by screaming, it is perceived that you are belittling the other person and they stop listening.  So your’ words are useless.

Parenting experts tell parents to get down to the child’s level and calmly talk to the child.   Explain your issue in a mild-mannered way.  Screaming at a child probably accomplishes two things.  First, it intimidates the child.  Secondly, it teaches the child that if they want to be heard, they too should scream.  As adults, we should adopt that strategy.  Again, screaming to one another probably isn’t the most effective way to communicate or get your point on the table

Often, the person being screamed at isn’t aware that they screwed up.  I say this with road rage.  Driving and screaming, honking the horn, sharing the middle finger isn’t productive.  More than likely, the person who was wrong, wasn’t aware that there was an issue to start with.  You are just seen as irrational and half crazy.

I am a note writer.  If I am disappointed, I write notes.  Sometimes long notes. I have been known to write 25page notes.  I feel that if you put things in writing, they can be read and reread.  Then they can be thought about.  It allows me to share my thoughts and put things in perspective in my mind all at the same time.

In my own mind.  Screaming is a form of bullying at times.  It’s the do as I say, not as I do mentality.

Communicating in relationships is a constant key to success.  We have to be kind.  We can’t bully and scream and not produce hurt feelings.  It might sometimes, but believe me, it will eventually shut a person down.  They will always get to the point of eroding your partner.  Finding positive methods to communicate is the best way to go. 

If you want to be respected, you have to show respect.  It’s a fact.