Losing a parent as a child

I had another blog written and then my brain made a good, strong left hand turn.  I heard something on TV that got my wheels spinning.

There was an interview with a young guy who lost a parent at a young age. Many people lose parents at a young age.  Is there a good age to lose a parent?  There are always times that we miss our parent’s after they die.  Losing anyone close to us creates a difference in the landscape of our family.

During the TV interview this young boy said that when his mother died, he knew that his future was going to be different from before she died. He knew that he needed to pick up where she left off.  So this makes me debate in my own mind if this is an extraordinary situation since the interview was with Prince Harry, or if when you lose a parent when you are as young as he was, if this is always going to create more of an influence on your life, more than if you grow up with both parents.

I have three cousins whose dad died in Vietnam.  They were 5,3, and 1.  Were they too young to be influenced by who their dad was?  They didn’t really know their dad because they were young and he was in a war.  I will say that none of them grew up and went into the military.  That’s the only association they had with their dad.  He was a soldier.

In other cases, do kids feel an obligation any more or any less than kids who grow up with their parent’s influence?  I can say that my husband’s dad was in WWII, went to college on the GI Bill.  He was an engineer.  His oldest child, a daughter, is a pharmacist.  The three sons are all in the engineering and physics.  Was this a conscience effort to follow their dad’s career?

Maybe it depends on the family.  Maybe it depends on the kids.  In any case though, I think that when our parents are alive, there is more times than not a desire to please our parents.  I don’t think though that it is a teenager’s motivation.

As I am writing this, I am convincing myself that Prince Harry is an exception to the rule.  I think that because of his role in life to have “causes”.  Princess Diana worked with many causes.  It is logical to maintain the causes that she worked hard to bring attention to.  Isn’t that how the royal family works?

I still am wrestling whether kids have a desire to follow in their parents’ footsteps because they have a common genetic pool that shares similar strengths?  Or is it because they want to make their parents’ proud, or is there even any thoughts involved that involves a parent?  I suppose all of the above is right, depending on the family and child.

Here’s what I am 100% sure of.  Death of a parent changes a child.  How, depends on the age of the child.  In Prince Harry’s situation, his whole life has been in the public’s eye.  He is expected to embrace causes.  He doesn’t have to make career choices.  It’s his heritage.  I find it somewhat impressive that he is continuing the causes of his mom these days instead of going to Vegas and doing inappropriate things.  He’s obviously growing up.

For my cousin’s.  They cherish every piece of their dad that they have.  They remain close to their uncles and aunts on their dad’s side of the family.  They have gotten past their childhood issues without their dad.  They embrace his courage.