I woke up again around 3:30 and got dressed and went to the lobby of the hotel. I called Sandy again. I was overwhelmed with the reality of what was happening. I didn’t know what I was going to do with someone’s ashes. I knew the idea of bringing them home was not going to happen.
When I got to the hospital and took my mother-in-law’s seat I realized that the clock was ticking. Not only was his thumb still quivering, but his arm and shoulder was as well. The nurse essentially said that his nerves and muscles were shorting out.
Everyone started gathering and taking their places. Relatives and friends stopping in. At one point somehow, and I don’t remember specifically how we learned that Bruce’s mom was hoping for a better outcome. However, it was, Ron, Chris and I had another meeting with the doctors and they agreed to run another series of tests. The tests were run. The results were the same. The reality was Bruce was brain dead and being kept alive by machines.
As I said, Bruce’s sister was sick. She was now in another hospital in Pittsburgh. We had hoped that she would have been well enough to come one last time. That wasn’t possible.
I knew that a lot of people were calling and asking to stop by. I certainly was not going to forbid anyone from coming. If they felt they needed to see him again, they should come.
Many of them did. Friends stopped by. A few more relatives stopped by. I remember thinking that this was a viewing, only the person was still alive, technically at least.We found time in the day to laugh about many of the antics Bruce provided through his life. We talked about him and his list of sports. The thing about Bruce and sports was that if he did it, he did it well. Also, if he told a joke or a story, they were told well. We shared lots of stories about the life of Bruce.We all knew the reality of taking him off life support was looming over our heads. Sometime in the afternoon it was decided that the next day we were taking him off of life support. This terrified me. The doctors said that at this point his heart was strong. In theory his organs were shutting down, but what happened if after they took him off life support, he lived?What would happen? What would his quality of life be? Would he be put into a nursing home? How long would he be able to survive? No matter how I dissected the options, none of them were good.
That afternoon everyone was on edge, trying to emotionally absorb what we were desperately trying not to. Ron and many of the young people went to a restaurant out of the hospital, but close by. They ate and had a few drinks. At some point a group of doctors, along with their support squad came to discuss the schedule. It was decided that the following day would be the day.
When I think back on how much of a routine this seemed to be, it’s staggering. It surely takes a special group of people to help families work through such life and death situations.
These nurses and doctors shared such great compassion and care with each of us. Clearly, Bruce was the patient, but the nurses made sure we were all being taken care of.
I knew that I was at the hospital for the duration. The kids could go to the hotel and sleep. My post was at the hospital. I knew that I wasn’t going to sleep so I might as well sit there and put things into perspective. As people trickled out, a few of my nieces asked if I wanted or needed them to be there the following day. I absolutely did. Ron and Greg had a bit too much fun when they went to eat so Ron was staying with me at the hospital. It was going to be a horribly long night and an even longer, more difficult day to follow….
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